i like tumblr better.

http://bitsandpeicesofme.tumblr.com/

Wow.

According to Jackie, my soulmate is probably in Kazakhstan. FUCKING KAZAKHSTAN. I said he's going to marry me just to gain citizenship, rape me, then leave me. So then my only other options are going into prostitution or becoming a stripper.

Really makes me feel special. xP

The simplest words can make all the better.

Today, Victor Cao has made my day.

Since 6th grade we've been best friends, and he's never left my side. I'm happy I introduced him to my best friend Jackie, because now they are slowly falling for each other. I'm happy to say, that I do love my best friend Victor Cao. Forever and Always :D

I'm losing everyone. Slowly, and painfully.

I hate school. People piss me off. I'm tired of trying to do everything for everyone but myself. I'm tired of trying in general. People are cruel and it's annoying. I hate that i'm not pretty. I hate how people bug me everyday about not having a boyfriend. I hate that I'm chubbier than most girls. I hate my life. So. Fucking. Much.

Guys don't look at me. I'm not an "eye-pleaser" but more like an "eye-hurter." I try to be everything that I can, but lately I have come to believe that I don't care because no matter how hard I try I can never have. Never. It's the one thing that i've ever worked so hard for, and then failed at.

I always put on a happy face because i hate when people ask if i'm okay, but deep down, everyday my feelings start to get worse and worse, until i hit an all time low. i seriously hate my life and everything about it. I'm sad all the fucking time, and no one can do anything about it. I feel like crying every time one little thing happens, and I don't know what to do anymore.

I've stopped trying. I go to school with barely no makeup on, and people look at me differently. It's horrible. I may be slightly pretty with makeup, but look horrid without it. I'm so pale you can see every imperfection on my skin. It's nasty. I'm just so ugly.

Homecoming is in a couple weeks, better get ready to run to the bathroom during slow dances because no one ever dances with me and it is embarrassing to stand there alone.

Sigh, I just want to be happy again. I want something to look forward to in life. I mean, even when i was crushed by many of the guys i liked last year, a majority of the time i spent liking them, getting up uber early to look as pretty as possible and being as happy as i can be. Now, there's nothing. Nobody even texts me anymore. My friends have been pairing up, and I just feel so lonely. I want someone for me who I can be with all the time, and just be myself. No worries, for the rest of my days.

Everything just sucks. Sometimes I wish I could just die, so I don't have to worry about school stress and being sad, and it could just be done away with forever. Plus, not that many people would miss me. It would be like "oh she was a great kid" and then everyone would forget about my existence.

That's all for now.

If only....

I just wish you talked to me like you used to, when you didn't have a girlfriend. I wish I had told you I liked you, before you had a girlfriend. I wish I knew you liked me when we first talked, not several months later, when you have a girlfriend. I wish I didn't cry when I see pictures of you and her being all happy. I wish, I wish. If only it could come true.


I wish for once things worked out.
I wish we could be together.
I wish for a lot of things...
At least now, I can vent my feelings to you,
because right now,
you are my only friend.